I Will Point Out The Idiots For You

I usually don't post twice in one day, but today I found this blog and had to throw the idot flag for idiocy in the first degree. I have edited it for those who have manners - anything I add or edit is in orange. I also have the link to the original post if you want to see the comments and whatnot.

Original Penny Rant

Friday, February 03, 2006

Pennies

Are we done with the EDIT pennies yet?

Because it is time. The American public hasn’t been using them for about a decade. I do. They have become so worthless, that people give them to each other as a matter of routine. Get your change, pick out the pennies, and leave them there for the next guy. Need a penny or two? Well, there should be a few there for you, because the last guy sure as EDIT didn’t want his. That’s the game.

I hate when stores don’t want to play by the game. If a store doesn’t have a little tray, I am immediately annoyed. You need to settle down. The hellO if I’m fishing another dollar out of my pants because it came to $5.02. Ever heard of carrying your own change? When that cash register rings up $5.02 and you look at me, we’re fixing to have a long staredown. I’ll return an item before I break another dollar and let you give me three more of the EDIT things in return. And that item probably had a profit margin of at least $.03 to you, so who’s the loser now? Get it? As long as they’re still around, you better play by the game. Oh brother.

When there is no tray, my normal routine has become to fish through my change and immediately pick them out and deposit them into the trash. Not only are they worthless to idiots, but they are disgusting, and I’m not carrying them around. You should think about all the stuff on your other money idiot. Most have been in circulation for 20 years, and as the stepchild of your change purse, they have been given no love. Are you saying MOST of the pennies in circulation were minted in 1986? They live in ashtrays, parking lots, and huge jars owned by 72 year old men who remember when they were worth something. Or in MY found money jar, which is approaching $50.00 after 13 months. Old copper is gross enough to start with. Add to the fact that they are covered in gum and EDIT and filth, and you need to wash your hands every time one touches you. You should wash out that filthy mouth while your at it.

Think about this: a stamp costs $0.37. 37 pennies weigh 6 ounces. First off, after a colon it is only proper to allow for two spaces. Second a stamp costs $0.39 when you published this. Third, 1 penny weights 2.35 grams - so with some simple math 37 pennies weigh 3.1 ounces. I think you are twice as wrong now. It takes about two stamps to mail 6 ounces of stuff. Therefore, if I wanted to mail someone 37 cents in pennies, it would cost me 74 cents. By my definition, it’s pretty clear cut. Your definition is void due to terrible math skills and not being able to stay with current events, such as the stamp being $0.39 now. When a monetary unit can’t afford to mail itself, it’s worthless. So are you saying everything except for the $0.50 piece is unworthy? Don’t get all cocky either, nickels…….you aren’t far behind. (I don’t really know how much 37 pennies weigh, that was just a guess. I have a scale in my office, and would find out, but I can’t. I threw out all my EDIT pennies. Just trust me though….I’m right on this general principal. I know by instinct that they can’t mail themselves.) Yet you don't know the general price of a current United States stamp. Yeah right, I trust you.

Vending machines won’t even take them. They hired engineers to assure that any penny which entered the slot would be immediately routed straight to the change opening. Think about the engineering involved. Dimes, which are smaller than pennies, go right into the till, but they had to create some sort of mechanism that would sort out and eliminate any penny that enters the machine, lest they get involved with the REAL money that is in there, and gross it all up. Do you know this to be fact or are you still using that 'trust me' concept?

Have you ever tried to give one to a bum? Seriously. No, but I have given them food. I almost got in a fight in San Francisco over the fact that I gave a bum some pennies. The man had no home, was hungry, cold, (cold in San Fran? You better come to Montana) and hopeless, yet when I gave him a handful of pennies, he tried to spit on me. Fortunately, his lack of front teeth seriously affected his aiming abilities and I easily dodged the saliva-based projectile, but nonetheless. Ok, that's kind of funny to picture, but your next point is gonna blow people out of the water...

Isn’t this enough evidence for Alan Greenspan and the Fed to say enough is enough? UH, evidently you didn't get the memo on that current event either. Alan Greenspan retired on Feb. 1, 2006. Two days before you published this. I now summarize my case:

1. Pennies are considered worthless, even by homeless people (If you are an idiot)
2. Pennies are disgusting (As is all money, so lets just destory all of it?)
3. Pennies can’t even mail themselves (Don't send cash in the mail, it has been requested by the Post Office to send check)
4. Americans are actually giving them to strangers, like some nationwide game of hot potato (You can give them all to me, I will put them to good use)
5. Vending machines are even too smart to take them. Their job is to take money, not pennies. (I ask to check your references)

Case Closed but not really. Please, Federal Reserve, I beg you. End the game.

I’m done with the EDIT pennies.

Sully

Dear Sully,
You can stop throwing your pennies away, which is a federal crime but I am sure you didn't know that after finding out you didn't know about the stamps or Alan Greenspan. You can send your pennies to me. I would suggest you send them in a box with the approximate weight of five pounds. Lets DO the math on this one. By Google Search we see that a penny weights 2.35 grams there are 28 grams in one ounce and 16 ounces in 1 pound. Therefore (28/2.35)*16*5=953. That would be $9.35 of pennies in a 5 pound box. However, take into consideration the type of box used and the weight of it... Thus, depending on the distance you are sending the package, you can actually send a package of pennies and make a profit. Also remember that there are two (2) spaces after any punctuation ending your sentece. I feel like a 7th grade English teacher after reading that.

Yours truely.

-=Nolan=-